Thank you for sharing this intimate glimpse, Kerani. It is cathartic to read as a mother myself. We are constantly balancing. Balancing who we were with who we are becoming. Balancing the raw pain that brought us the greatest joy. It's not the easiest part of parenting to capture, but you've done it so beautifully.
Brave and beautiful, Kerani. I felt a little like this when my youngest, whose birth was extremely fraught, turned one (a decade ago). 💜 Sending you lilac love.
Thank you Laura, and thank you for sharing this piece 💜 your words always feel like a time portal, where I'm looking into what motherhood will feel like in the coming years. They're a balm and I appreciate the haven of calm reflection you've created here.
Thank you for sharing and despite the pain, you’ve written about it so beautifully. I’ve tried to write about my daughters birth a couple of times and it’s still filled with a lot of fuck you’s. I hope to get to the point in my healing where I can write about it and focus on the beauty and joy of her.
Birth trauma can be so hard to navigate and so multilayered. I see you ❤️
Thank you Georgia, I see you in that grief and anger ♥️ I've had plenty of those "fuck you" filled journaling session as well. It's strange how once the baby is born, everyone kinds of acts like the birth story is *theirs* in a lot of ways (I know I've done that myself with my own mother). But now that I'm a mom, I realize how that story really belongs to the mother, even though the baby inherits it. Wishing you healing and emotional recovery in your own journey.
Oh yes I feel that about the story being ours and not theirs. It makes me feel better about it actually, because my daughter was so fine during the whole thing and has been so fine ever since. It was me that had the trouble and the mistreatment and the trauma. It’s my story ❤️
I love that reframing ♥️ it doesn't take away the pain or what you endured, but that's a helpful thing to remember - they didn't experience it and won't carry that weight.
Honouring your journey, your first year, and all of the complex emotions that surface. A year is a huge milestone for so many reasons. Thank you for sharing this so truthfully and tenderly. Xxx
Thank you for the kind words and for reading Lauren ♥️ it's been both a good week and a tough week, but I've weathered it better than I expected (mostly because I took the precautionary self-care steps). I'll just keep working through the words as the ghosts come up, but I do already feel like they're lightening a bit.
This is the first time I have seen this. Half way through, I commented to Jill that you are really a lovely writer! This is so beautifully and hauntingly written, so open and self aware, Kerani. I am so sorry it was so difficult, but so so thankful that you and Austin brought this light into our world and changed our lives forever. Love you so much, and always here for you!
It's so wonderful that you can express your feelings in such a beautiful way. You have an enchanting gift with words! Thank you for sharing! Love you 💕
Thank you for sharing this intimate glimpse, Kerani. It is cathartic to read as a mother myself. We are constantly balancing. Balancing who we were with who we are becoming. Balancing the raw pain that brought us the greatest joy. It's not the easiest part of parenting to capture, but you've done it so beautifully.
So true my lovely friend, thank you for always being such a source of comfort and support in this journey. ILY 💜
I love this line: "I can acknowledge the ghosts without inviting them in..."
I'm proud of you. I love you. The ghosts are where they need to be. And so are we. ❤️
Love you B 💛
Brave and beautiful, Kerani. I felt a little like this when my youngest, whose birth was extremely fraught, turned one (a decade ago). 💜 Sending you lilac love.
Thank you Laura, and thank you for sharing this piece 💜 your words always feel like a time portal, where I'm looking into what motherhood will feel like in the coming years. They're a balm and I appreciate the haven of calm reflection you've created here.
💜 that means so much, Kerani.
Thank you for sharing and despite the pain, you’ve written about it so beautifully. I’ve tried to write about my daughters birth a couple of times and it’s still filled with a lot of fuck you’s. I hope to get to the point in my healing where I can write about it and focus on the beauty and joy of her.
Birth trauma can be so hard to navigate and so multilayered. I see you ❤️
Thank you Georgia, I see you in that grief and anger ♥️ I've had plenty of those "fuck you" filled journaling session as well. It's strange how once the baby is born, everyone kinds of acts like the birth story is *theirs* in a lot of ways (I know I've done that myself with my own mother). But now that I'm a mom, I realize how that story really belongs to the mother, even though the baby inherits it. Wishing you healing and emotional recovery in your own journey.
Thank you ❤️
Oh yes I feel that about the story being ours and not theirs. It makes me feel better about it actually, because my daughter was so fine during the whole thing and has been so fine ever since. It was me that had the trouble and the mistreatment and the trauma. It’s my story ❤️
I love that reframing ♥️ it doesn't take away the pain or what you endured, but that's a helpful thing to remember - they didn't experience it and won't carry that weight.
Honouring your journey, your first year, and all of the complex emotions that surface. A year is a huge milestone for so many reasons. Thank you for sharing this so truthfully and tenderly. Xxx
Thank you for the kind words and for reading Lauren ♥️ it's been both a good week and a tough week, but I've weathered it better than I expected (mostly because I took the precautionary self-care steps). I'll just keep working through the words as the ghosts come up, but I do already feel like they're lightening a bit.
This is the first time I have seen this. Half way through, I commented to Jill that you are really a lovely writer! This is so beautifully and hauntingly written, so open and self aware, Kerani. I am so sorry it was so difficult, but so so thankful that you and Austin brought this light into our world and changed our lives forever. Love you so much, and always here for you!
Thanks Peter 🥰 I’m eternally grateful for all yours and Jill’s support
It's so wonderful that you can express your feelings in such a beautiful way. You have an enchanting gift with words! Thank you for sharing! Love you 💕
Thanks Jill, love you and Peter both ♥️
Lovely written and brave. Loves oma
Thanks Oma, love you ♥️
Hugs and love, from one who was there with you. Mom
love you mama ♥️
Here’s to writing your way out. 💜
Thanks Sarah 💜