Portal magic and other ways I'm retraining my brain

Last month, I made a decision: after years of fragmented sharing on social media, I decided that for one month I would post one thing every weekday on Instagram. It could be a post to my grid, reels, or stories, but it needed to be my own words, my own thoughts, or my own work—not just a re-share from elsewhere.

Like most of us, I have a very complicated relationship with social media. I first got started on Instagram in 2016 as part of the Bookstagram community. It was just a fun hobby at first, but as my account grew and I connected with more people, I started to consider sharing some of my own creative portrait photography via the platform. What followed was a five-year long emotional struggle, involving perfectionism, imposter syndrome, learning and relearning how to dismantle my creative anxiety. I can’t count how many times I said, This is it, I’m going to do it now! only to freeze up and stop sharing my work at all.

Sharing my art has always been difficult for me. The more I care about something, the easier it is for my brain to convince me that no one else will like it. When I was younger, I’d spend hours painting only to end up stuffing the canvas into the closet of my childhood bedroom. I’ve spent years (and a lot of time in therapy) learning how to stop hiding my art and myself in the closet. 

This year has felt different for several reasons. First and foremost, becoming a mother burned away a lot of my capacity for caring what other people think of me. Second, I stopped waiting for sharing my work to feel easy. Instead of telling myself, one day I’ll get past this fear, I accepted that putting my art out into the world is always going to be uncomfortable for me. It’s always going to be scary and hard—but as Glennon Doyle says, “we can do hard things.”

It was with this mindset that I approached this newest attempt to sharing my work online again. As the date approached though, I felt a familiar sense of worry and dread settle on me, but instead of trying to avoid or find a way to get rid of it, I tried something new.

I turned it into magic.

I told myself that I wasn’t posting on social media; I was casting a spell. The internet became a portal through which I could connect with like-minded souls. Just this simple reframing made what had given me years of anxiety so much easier to approach. I still felt the fear, the nerves, and heard that little voice repeating that I would never be good enough. But I was able to move past it, to tap into my inner witch and view sharing my art as a form of magic (What is magic? Join our discussion here.)

portal (noun)

a doorway, a gateway, or another entrance, especially a large and imposing one

Doing this made me think of other ways that I’ve reframed uncomfortable thoughts over the years to help get past the blocks in my brain. Here are some of the ones that have been helping me recently:

• Posting Online → Portal Magic

• My life is busy right now. → My life is full right now.

• Sharing my work → Celebrating my art

These small mental adjustments help keep me from descending into an anxiety spiral or becoming overwhelmed with the emotional baggage or triggers that I have around certain topics.

Do you have a practice of reframing difficult situations? How do you go about confronting and challenging those thoughts? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below